So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
