that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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