Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
