Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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