My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
