Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
