Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
