She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
