I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
