I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
