Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
