can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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