he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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