my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
