You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
