worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
