He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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