One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
