i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
