This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
