Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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