Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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