Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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