Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
