just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
