My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
what food is Colorado known for?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.