forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just had sex bonerless
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.