she woke up with a sticky ear
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend