I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.