My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
