I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
