So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
