How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
