you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
