i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
