Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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