Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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