Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
