once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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