you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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