Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
