i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
