do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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