I CAN MOONWALK!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
