He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
