New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
