my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
