It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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