Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
