ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
