Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize