Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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