yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
