OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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