And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Never underestimate the power of titties
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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