so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
