I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
