my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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