I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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