Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
