he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
