i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm like, not good at living.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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