I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
