Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
