I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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