He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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