He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
