well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
