Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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