Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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