looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
