Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
