I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
