I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
