YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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